Anonymous said: There is a headache in my sinuses and I am laid low. Is this condition at all within your expertise?
-You’re being oppressed, more or less! By your own face. It’s tricky to revolt against the tyranny of your own head, but this helps:
-Three cups of boiling water
-three black peppercorns
-one tablespoon of grated ginger
-two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar
-one small hot pepper, chopped
-and, most important of all, WITNESSES. You never know how a tyrant’s going to react to revolt, but it’s usually violent, you need people around to tell the story if you don’t survive. Which you may not.
-Put everything (except the witnesses, they won’t fit) in the hot water, give it a stir, and let it all steep for oh, five to ten minutes.
-Make sure you have those witnesses. As many friends as possible. Let them know NOW IS THE TIME TO WATCH YOU. Believe me, they won’t forgive
you themselves if they miss watching your efforts to take back control of your fate from the very forces of…I don’t know, whatever controls sinuses, I’m not a doctor, I have things to do. And so do you! Namely:
-Drink what you’ve made out of the other ingredients.
-Remember this column has a legal disclaimer, it’s totally binding, I’m almost a lawyer, so you can stop writing that claim for damages RIGHT NOW.
You may be cursing my name now, but you probably aren’t thinking about your OLD sinus headache at all. Congratulations!
(…if you want to try this and maybe not die, you could always add honey and booze. Who knows if it helps, but if you add enough booze, you won’t care!)